Bumblescrum, AK- Researchers have finally been able to end a 7 year-long study as to what causes self-proclaimed celebrity lawyer-turned-reporter Nancy Grace to be such an annoying, man-hating, stuck-up, undesirable nut case. Over the years many have speculated as to the reasons why Grace has become an overly ridiculous, self-defeating, pompous douche, and it will comfort a great number of people to know for certain what makes this succubus "tick".
As seen in this pre-op photo, Nancy Grace originally won over the hearts of millions by compassionately bringing light to heartstring-pulling stories, such as murders and child abductions. She made a name for herself by reporting with emotion and a sense of realism. Things took a turn for the worst when Grace went in for mandatory/elective rhinoplasty. Days after the procedure, a blind man heard her voice and proclaimed she was absolutely the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. An angry mob ensued and viciously dismembered the man, feeding his body to stray dogs. Unfortunately, the seed had already been planted and Grace began to think her fecal matter possessed no odor.
As seen in this pre-op photo, Nancy Grace originally won over the hearts of millions by compassionately bringing light to heartstring-pulling stories, such as murders and child abductions. She made a name for herself by reporting with emotion and a sense of realism. Things took a turn for the worst when Grace went in for mandatory/elective rhinoplasty. Days after the procedure, a blind man heard her voice and proclaimed she was absolutely the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. An angry mob ensued and viciously dismembered the man, feeding his body to stray dogs. Unfortunately, the seed had already been planted and Grace began to think her fecal matter possessed no odor.
Sources close to Ms. Grace reluctantly point out that she has a bladder incontinence issue, and therefore cannot maintain an intimate relationship with anyone under 75. Another source disclosed that Grace is an only child, and therefore was never told to "shut up" when she definitely should have been. All this information is fine and dandy, but the research concluded only one thing, perhaps the most compelling piece to this puzzle; Nancy Grace, beloved bitch on wheels, was born into this world Nathaniel Greise. There, we said it. And now you know the rest of the story....
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