Bentonville, AR- Tears of joy and screams of elation filled the homes of elitist liberals over the weekend as the dream of a "nanny state" have become more likely a reality than a fantasy. A source close to the Illuminati said Friday that the secret mega-rich dominance driven group is oh-so excited whenever they hear stories about lower class Americans crying for a higher minimum wage. Conservative groups are crying foul, unsuccessfully countering this movement by reminding Americans that with hard work, determination, and education, a worker can "climb the ladder" and that minimum wage jobs are merely a launching pad in the workforce.
"I can't live on my own and raise my 6 children with a $8hr job", states Janice Browerman. "Even with WIC, food stamps, Section 8, and the numerous church food pantries I visit weekly, it's tough. What do they expect us to do? Not have children until we are fiscally responsible? Focus on education and get a better job? Whatever." Janice represents the sentiment of many Americans out there, holding hands out to receive help as opposed to improving their situation.
Independent political groups are weighing in on this subject as well. James Middleton, toilet-brush magnate and bathroom entrepreneur, suggests that the solution needs to come from both sides of the aisle in Washington. "It's quite simple, really. If you could get the left to curb their extremism, and the right to curb their extremism, then you have an environment where legitimate solutions would flourish and just maybe, society could emulate the Congress and stop the madness." Unfortunately, Middleton was severely beaten to death by congressional toilet brushes soon after making that statement. Extremists on both sides took credit for the killing.
"I can't live on my own and raise my 6 children with a $8hr job", states Janice Browerman. "Even with WIC, food stamps, Section 8, and the numerous church food pantries I visit weekly, it's tough. What do they expect us to do? Not have children until we are fiscally responsible? Focus on education and get a better job? Whatever." Janice represents the sentiment of many Americans out there, holding hands out to receive help as opposed to improving their situation.
Independent political groups are weighing in on this subject as well. James Middleton, toilet-brush magnate and bathroom entrepreneur, suggests that the solution needs to come from both sides of the aisle in Washington. "It's quite simple, really. If you could get the left to curb their extremism, and the right to curb their extremism, then you have an environment where legitimate solutions would flourish and just maybe, society could emulate the Congress and stop the madness." Unfortunately, Middleton was severely beaten to death by congressional toilet brushes soon after making that statement. Extremists on both sides took credit for the killing.
No comments:
Post a Comment