Old Hickory, TN- No one is perfect. Sometimes we say things without being fully sure of what's what. Such is the case with Sirk Ager, local heartthrob and trophy boyfriend to Goodlettsville belle Kirstie Sunn.
It all began 2 years ago when the couple were conversing about routes around the city. Sirk had recently moved to the area and was still trying to learn the highway structure, especially after Kirstie emasculated him and made him weep for hours when she realized he had lived here for one month. Things turned for the worse when Sirk unknowingly told her that his sister uses Briley Parkway to get to work downtown. After beating him unmercifully for hours with a tube sock full of golf balls, Kirstie roared with laughter and informed Sirk that he was, in fact, a dumbass.
Was Sirk wrong? Of course, no one could successfully dispute that. The fact that he didn't know any better didn't save him from the unending emotional trauma and vicious physical attacks. When word of this misunderstanding garnered national media attention, a few million enlightened citizens stood up to help.
The fine citizens of the Nashville metro area gathered 2 million signatures on a petition, which demands the mayor change the name of Ellington Pkway to Briley Pkway for at least 24 hours. The petition also demands that Kirstie be forced to ride standing up through the sunroof of a vehicle while traversing the newly named route a minimum of 8 times.
The petition is slated to arrive on the mayor's desk by Friday, where it will undoubtedly be approved, despite the $439,500 price tag for changing all the signs. More to come on this story as it unfolds.
