Prison Break to get new spin-off (News Satire)

     Due to the overwhelming success of Fox's Prison Break, the show's writers have pitched a new story idea that involves a character actually breaking into prisons and blending into general population detention areas. Unlike Prison Break, the show will take place in several correctional facilities across the US and will center around a new main character every week.
     "The idea is revolutionary, since everyone seems to break out of prisons instead of into them", said pilot cast member Hemlock Smith. He went to say that even though it's kind of cheesy to take a successful idea and basically turn it upside down to make a show, he's grateful for the chance to be involved and has already given notice at his current job as a snow plow driver in Miami. "There was not much work for me in Miami, so I'm chomping at the bit to start filming!" Smith exclaimed.
     The writers are still working with Fox, who has yet to announce that they would pick up the show. Test named Prison Sneak In, the show is already gathering steam with sponsors willing to advertise during the show, regardless of time slot. The pilot will truly make-or-break the show, set in rural Alabama. Quinton DePuy, played by Winchel Schleckler, rocks the boat and the prison staff by seeking a conjugal visit to his lover, Benito Johnson, played by Frincente Vance.  The issue will be a first for TV as no one is sure about gay rights involving married sexual partners when one of the partners is incarcerated. The writers would not comment further on the pilot, but analysts are willing to bet that the visit is granted and thus, sets the stage for the prison break in.
BREAKING NEWS: Fox has just announced that they will pick up the show for 21 episodes, airing Tuesdays at 11pm. KY personal lubricant, made by Johnson & Johnson, will be the show's main sponsor.

Chevy sales on the rise despite crappy cars

     Humboldt, TN: GM CEO Gibbler Motormouth announced that Chevrolet models are selling quite well, despite the fact that today's Chevy models are the lowest quality models ever made by the company. Motormouth also praised NAFTA for allowing GM and its' subsidiaries the ability to ship jobs overseas and thus, make the company even more profitable. GM has been through some tumultuous times lately, from being bailed out by the US government to shutting down popular brands like Pontiac and Oldsmobile.
     "We are ever so grateful to the American public for letting us rape them financially and still buying our products. Only in America could a corporation sell out to the Chinese and still gain market share here in the states. No wonder Wal-Mart did this kind of thing years ago!", Motormouth exclaimed, before being ushered away from reporters covering the press release. There are still so many questions left unanswered, such as a report from Detroit that the Aveo might soon be sold at Wal-Marts nationwide for as little as $1400. 

     "I'm outraged! We bailed them out, we should all get free cars!", said Jim Friebee, after watching the press release on Fox News. "Too big to fail? How about too stupid to continue? My friend Gregory Yappollotte owned a small newspaper in Alliance, Kansas, and no one's offered him a bailout. How are the 47 subscribers to his paper supposed to get their news? The bureaucracy has failed us".  Friebee then hopped into his 1985 Chevy Caprice and started cursing. He was last seen in the parking lot asking strangers if they had a set of jumper cables.