"We are ever so grateful to the American public for letting us rape them financially and still buying our products. Only in America could a corporation sell out to the Chinese and still gain market share here in the states. No wonder Wal-Mart did this kind of thing years ago!", Motormouth exclaimed, before being ushered away from reporters covering the press release. There are still so many questions left unanswered, such as a report from Detroit that the Aveo might soon be sold at Wal-Marts nationwide for as little as $1400.
We report, we decide. We pretty much took all the stress out of it for you. You're welcome.
Tuesday
Chevy sales on the rise despite crappy cars
Humboldt, TN: GM CEO Gibbler Motormouth announced that Chevrolet models are selling quite well, despite the fact that today's Chevy models are the lowest quality models ever made by the company. Motormouth also praised NAFTA for allowing GM and its' subsidiaries the ability to ship jobs overseas and thus, make the company even more profitable. GM has been through some tumultuous times lately, from being bailed out by the US government to shutting down popular brands like Pontiac and Oldsmobile.
"We are ever so grateful to the American public for letting us rape them financially and still buying our products. Only in America could a corporation sell out to the Chinese and still gain market share here in the states. No wonder Wal-Mart did this kind of thing years ago!", Motormouth exclaimed, before being ushered away from reporters covering the press release. There are still so many questions left unanswered, such as a report from Detroit that the Aveo might soon be sold at Wal-Marts nationwide for as little as $1400.
"I'm outraged! We bailed them out, we should all get free cars!", said Jim Friebee, after watching the press release on Fox News. "Too big to fail? How about too stupid to continue? My friend Gregory Yappollotte owned a small newspaper in Alliance, Kansas, and no one's offered him a bailout. How are the 47 subscribers to his paper supposed to get their news? The bureaucracy has failed us". Friebee then hopped into his 1985 Chevy Caprice and started cursing. He was last seen in the parking lot asking strangers if they had a set of jumper cables.
"We are ever so grateful to the American public for letting us rape them financially and still buying our products. Only in America could a corporation sell out to the Chinese and still gain market share here in the states. No wonder Wal-Mart did this kind of thing years ago!", Motormouth exclaimed, before being ushered away from reporters covering the press release. There are still so many questions left unanswered, such as a report from Detroit that the Aveo might soon be sold at Wal-Marts nationwide for as little as $1400.
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