Cooter, MO: Joyous screams rang out today in Washington, D.C. as the NFL and the NFLPA let out of session from mediation. The road to here has been riddled with contractual pot holes and financial road construction, yet members of both sides considered today a 'win-win'.
After mid-morning deliberations, items came to a vote. It was then determined by a unanimous consensus that both sides "thoroughly enjoy Girl Scout cookies". Unfortunately, fistfights broke out and furniture was sent flying when the two sides began talks over which flavor was the best. Tensions escalated when the room was divided into flavor representatives comprising of The Thin Mints, The Caramel Delights, and The Thanks-a-lots. At the time of this release, the fighting was still ongoing and no one appeared to be offering concessions except for Girl Scout Troop #319, which had set up sales in the hallway, offering cookies and lemonade. When asked about the negotiations regarding the inevitable lock-out, NFLPA spokesperson Natrone Fumbels said, "Hell, we've completely forgotten about that!"
We report, we decide. We pretty much took all the stress out of it for you. You're welcome.
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