MTV spokesperson Bartholomew Ignos issued statements and answered questions today regarding their self-proclaimed hit "16 and Pregnant". Ignos spoke to a crowded room, much to the surprise of everyone. MTV Public Relations director Julie Doomie began the meeting with laughter and amazement of just how many reporters showed up to cover the event. "We had no idea real people even cared about this show!", Doomie exclaimed before introducing Ignos. Here is an excerpt of the press release:*James Roundtree, Babies Having Babies Magazine: Mr. Ignos, when the think tank of drunken sodomites got together and pitched this show, did anyone have any idea of the greatness it would become, or realize the advertising revenue boost that it would bring us here at Babies Having Babies?
Ignos: Thank you for your questions. Well, first I must tell you that to our knowledge, there were no drunken sodomites involved in the original ideas surrounding the show. As you already know, Ben Rutgarten, a veteran cameraman, was later convicted of sodomy, but that was while vacationing in Thailand. In regards to the show's initial development, the first day of planning for the show was actually a "Bring your kids to Work" day. Two of the seven producers involved had their 15 year old daughters with them, both expecting. As a group they ascertained that if they could somehow glamorize young girls having babies, then the two female panelists could afford nannies, and thus, stay working at MTV. As for your increased ad revenue at your fine publication, we were contacted by an anonymous Illuminati official, who made it clear to us that increasing your circulation was in integral part of their plan for a new world order.
*Grover Indabut, Junior Skeetcollector Condoms: Thank you, Mr. Ignos. Unfortunately, our condom sales have plummeted since the show began. We want to promote our product as another safeguard against pregnancy and sexually-transmitted disease, but we need something drastic to regain market share. Aside from commercials while the show is on the air, are you looking to maybe encourage young people to be safe and possibly avoid the harsh reality of becoming parents at such a young age?
Ignos: Great question. However, at this time, due to the overwhelming success of the show, we are in no way interested in promoting safe sex. How can we find new material for future shows if we were to take such a path? No, this is not a direction we are willing to take, for our own best interests. What I can tell you is that next season, possibly in the second or third episode, we will have a segment dedicated to alternative uses for condoms. So far we've come up with standards like water-balloons, and even a few less popular ideas like using them for food storage in your refrigerator and covering your side view mirrors on your cars during snowstorms to avoid having to scrape them in the morning. Stay tuned for more breakthroughs on that subject, and thanks for asking.
*Ralph Knutalott, Pedophile News Network: Mr. Ignos, is it true that in the coming months, MTV plans to roll out more shows along this storyline? Rumors have floated about titles like, "My Kid made the Sexual Predator list before your Kid" and "Preteen Preggers". Can you shed any light on the validity of such shows, and if so, when can we expect them to air?
Ignos: It's true that as a world leader in entertainment and education, and occasionally music, that we here at MTV realize that the future to successful growth and dominance requires us to constantly evolve our programming to fit the needs of so many interested viewers. In order to securely give our shows a market without aiding our competitors, we cannot comment about any future shows not already being promoted. Thank you.
from MTV press release, January 16, 2011.
The full press release lasted sixteen hours and even featured a rather pitiful performance by the Jonas Brothers.
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